Cerblogus

Gilbert Arenas–or Agent Zero, or The Hibachi–is not only one of the best and most exciting scorers in the game. He is also a hubristic (and, okay, a humorous) chatterbox. On his blog the other day, he boasted about how he could score 85 points against Duke. It is important to realize that Duke’s coach, the legendary Mike Krzyzewski, cut Arenas from the U.S. national team last summer.

This past holiday, I was home in Cleveland, the magical place that only I think about as such, and I listened to my friend Crunch talk with great excitement about the fourth grade basketball team he coaches. He was especially delighted that his team had the night before pulled out a victory with a last minute shot. I’ve never seen these St. Mary’s of the Falls Whatevers play a single game, but I know Crunch’s son is on the team. The boy is four foot something. He wears glasses. He’s a nice, polite kid with the gentle name of Nicholas. Without knowing a single thing about any other member of the team, I am going to make a bold, Arenasian proclamation. No, I’m going to go the Hibachi one flame higher. I’m going to say right here and now that if I played against the fourth graders of St. Mary’s of the Falls, I’d score at will. I’d light them up for 100. Crunch could even hire Coach K to run the show, and it would do no good.

I am, if nothing else, confident in my abilities. Just call me Agent (1)00.